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I hate cars.  As a method of getting from A to B in a reasonably efficient manner they do the job most of the time, but on the small percentage of occasions when they let you down they are evil, unforgiving, money-spunking contraptions.

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A brief recap:

In my last blog post I was told I had high blood pressure and advised I should go and see my GP. Firstly, thank you all for your texts, letters, e-mails etc asking about my well-being.

I am of course being sarcastic, you uncaring set of bastards. Read the rest of this entry »

Monday was not a proud day, but I’m hoping it will be a watershed moment of sorts.

My employers very kindly gave us all the opportunity to have a quick, free health check, the highlight of which was watching someone feint after having their finger pricked for a cholesterol test.  I went down for a few minutes away from my desk, and to pick up a goody bag containing a free Company-branded travel mug. Read the rest of this entry »

I have a morning routine. 

I get up, put on my dressing gown, grab a towel from the banister and walk into the bathroom.  I have a wee-wee.  I only shave on Mondays and Wednesdays, unless I have an important meeting with some important or a presentation or something, but this is rare and avoided at all costs.

If it’s a shave day I shave, then shower.  Otherwise I get straight in the shower.  Hair, face, armpits, ‘bits,’ feet, always in that order.  I get out, dry myself, ruffle my hair in the mirror (if I don’t I’ll have shit hair — well, shitter than usual — all day).  Dressing gown on, I put my towel on the banister and go downstairs, put the kettle on.  Two mugs; me on the right, whatshername on the right.  A teaspoon of coffee in each.  A splash of cold water in mine, milk in whatshername’s. Read the rest of this entry »

It’s been a couple of weeks now since my last blog.  What’s he been up to? is the question that probably couldn’t have been further from your thoughts.

Have I been out running, eating healthily, and losing weight?  No.  Although I did lose three pounds.  Then went out, got hideously swearily offensively drunk and had a curry. Read the rest of this entry »