A word to the wise: for productivity reasons, never Google any phrase containing the word "boobs" if you want to get anything done, ever.

This was last Wednesday and it did, if nothing else, motivate me to persevere with the weight loss/getting fit thing.  I decided I’d prove him wrong.  And I’m slowly getting there.  Friday’s Boots weigh-in came and went, and if you cast your mind back to this blog post you may recall that I promised I’d get the black progress line back below the white target line.  If you can’t remember then to be honest I think you really need to pay more attention.  But I digress.  And for once I’ve made good on a promise, see:

Some stats for all you stats-freaks:

• since Jan 4^th I have lost 7.5lbs
• this is over half a stone
• I am a still-massive 18st 5lbs
• this is 3lbs lighter than the Friday before
• I did have my haircut in this week in fairness
• I am ahead of my target.
• Completely hypothetically-speaking, is it wrong to find the following picture arousing?

• I’m just asking like.

The astute among you may notice two lines in the above chart.  The black line represents my weight.  The white line represents a straight line that — on the full graph, only a snippet of which I’ve included above — runs from my starting weight of 120.2kg to my target weight of 108kg on April 9th.  You may also note that the black line is higher than the white line.  This means I’m behind my target.  And I’ve no-one to blame but myself.  Well, I could arguably blame the girl next to me at work who, whilst cold on Wednesday, made the (bizarre, when you think about it) announcement that the only thing keeping her warm was eating biscuits.  I said, “I’ll go and buy some more biscuits at lunch then,” and returned later with four packets of biscuits.  Jam and Custard Jammy Dodgers (disappointing), Pink Wafers (retro), Chocolate and Hazelnut Cookies (indulgent), and the aforementioned Chocolate Hob Nobs (classic).  I then proceeded over the course of the remainder of this working week to eat about half of them.

What's the point putting a copyright watermark in a picture of some fucking pink wafers?

In my last blog I think I might have foolishly said I was going to come up with sort of routine.  I haven’t, unsurprisingly.  But I might do.  I probably won’t though.  Although I should, really.  I have some weights gathering dust on the bedroom floor (although technically they stop my guitar falling over; they’re not just gathering dust), so I should probably put them to use.  I’m going to try a short, gentle jog in the next week or so, and see how the knee holds up, so watch this space for another predictable blog about me shitting up my knee.  Every day this week I’ve been for a short(ish) walk at lunchtime, so fingers crossed the knee is getting a bit stronger.

So, not a lot of progress on the dieting front, but I’ll be good this week, I swear.  By next Friday I’ll make sure the black line is below the white line.  It make shock you to learn that I’ve done a bit more writing on the novel, and I think I’ve closed an annoying and problematic plot-hole.  I just need to get into a routine of writing an hour or so a day, I think.  325 days to go until my thirtieth birthday deadline.

I’ll sign off, for no real reason, with a picture of Gemma Atkinson.  

I could take her or leave her, me.

.

Anyway, upon finding myself at a personal best (or should that be worst?) of nearly nineteen stone, I made a concerted effort to shed some weight.  Over the next couple of months I managed—through nothing more than being less greedy—to get down to about 17 and a half stone (111.3kg), which is still overweight admittedly, but not a bad effort all the less.

Then Christmas came and went and when I next weighed myself I was disappointed to be back at about 18st 3lbs (115.7kg), so set about the target of getting to 17st by the start of the cricket season (April 25^th), a target I missed by half a stone or so.

Now it’s August 2009, and feeling a little portly again after a few excessive weekends I popped along to trusty reliable Boots, fully expecting to waddle onto the weighing machine and find myself at about 18 and a half stone again.

Yet again I’m ashamed to say I’m at my personal best/worst of 18st 13lb (0.1kg lighter than this time last year, he says, trying desperately to grab at some kind of consolation).

A few facts:

• I have a BMI of 32.3
• This classes me as “obese”,
• “Normal” BMI is roughly between 20 and 25
• That would mean my ideal weight (reaches for calculator) should be between 11st 10lb (74.5kg) and 14st 9lb (93kg),
• I am at the very least 4st 4lbs overweight.  Sweet Jesus.

Targets:

• Aim to get BMI below 30 (17st 6lb or 111kg), which would qualify me as “overweight” as opposed to “obese” before the end of October.  A fairly minor achievement in the grand scheme but a significant one for me nonetheless.
• Aim to get down to 17st by the start of December, in time for my holiday.  A total weight loss required of a pound shy of two stone (12.4kg) in nearly three and a half months.
• Never going to get to 14st 9lb again, so ignoring that completely.

How will I achieve this?  I think the best thing to do is to try to make small changes.  If I suddenly went onto a salad-only diet I’d probably lose half a stone in a week but then snap and find myself at a Pizza Hut buffet piling it all back on in one sitting.  So, what are these small steps, I pretend to hear someone feigning interest.

• No snacks.  Working in an office environment it’s easy when feeling peckish to wander downstairs to the tuck shop and buy a ridiculously cheap Crunchie bar.  This must stop.  Except maybe on Fridays as an occasional treat.
• Bring own lunch to work.  I am within walking distance of the following (in rough order): Subway, Frankie & Benny’s, Burger King, Pizza Hut, KFC, Boots, McDonalds, and Sainsbury’s.  Boots’ £2.99 meal deals are very good although at this particular Boots the range is fairly limited.  I find it difficult to go to Sainsbury’s and not return with something very unhealthy, and the other places are only ever visited as very occasional treats.  From now on I’ll take the time to make my own sandwiches in the morning, maybe pasta or soup if I plan ahead.
• No alcohol  in the week.  The week being Monday—Thursday.  Friday and Saturday nights are my nights off, and it’s difficult to get through the pre-Monday morning dread of a Sunday afternoon without a drink, but I’ll try.
• Might do a bit of exercise too but it’s unlikely.

I’m not writing this because I think anyone else will be interested in my attempt to drop down from “obese” to just plain old “overweight”; I’m writing it so I have some form of written contract with myself.  Something to motivate myself.  Something to feel ashamed of should I not achieve it.  No bones about it, losing two stone will be a big challenge for me, but it’s something I need to do.

I’ll try to weigh myself about once a week—probably on a Monday.  I’ll let you know if/when I start losing a bit of weight.  If I don’t write anything on this subject again then let’s all assume I didn’t lose any weight and we’ll pretend this whole thing never happened.