This is a story about men. Met who met in a distant age, before everyone had iPhones and laptops and wi-fi and facebook and neither the means nor indeed the inclination for the constant, relentless barrage of shared information which, if we’re all honest, is just another welcome distraction from what we actually should be doing.
It was 1999, and I was starting university. I had terrible dress sense; a velour luminous orange v-neck Cotton Traders shirt was the worst offender, usually accompanied with black shiny plastic-effect trousers. Inexplicably I was single. Read the rest of this entry »
I have a morning routine.
I get up, put on my dressing gown, grab a towel from the banister and walk into the bathroom. I have a wee-wee. I only shave on Mondays and Wednesdays, unless I have an important meeting with some important or a presentation or something, but this is rare and avoided at all costs.
If it’s a shave day I shave, then shower. Otherwise I get straight in the shower. Hair, face, armpits, ‘bits,’ feet, always in that order. I get out, dry myself, ruffle my hair in the mirror (if I don’t I’ll have shit hair — well, shitter than usual — all day). Dressing gown on, I put my towel on the banister and go downstairs, put the kettle on. Two mugs; me on the right, whatshername on the right. A teaspoon of coffee in each. A splash of cold water in mine, milk in whatshername’s. Read the rest of this entry »
It’s Saturday night. Whatshername is out, leaving me alone in the house. I’d make burgers, I’d decided. Chilli burgers, in preparation for a chilli burger-making competition (no, really). Two burgers: 500g of minced lamb, plus secret ingredients (I’ll tell you specifics after I’ve won the competition, as I know at least one of my rivals reads this thrilling and informative blog). That’s slightly more than two quarter-pounders’ worth of meat. That’s plenty enough for anyone’s tea, yes?
Read the rest of this entry »
It’s that time of year again. Time for reflection. Time, perhaps, for feeling guilty after the excesses of the past couple of weeks. It’s time for a new start. Yep, it’s time for new year’s resolutions.
But does anyone actually bother? I get the impression that most people talk about new year’s resolutions, but few ever actually see them through to any kind of outcome. Read the rest of this entry »
